Wednesday, 17 March 2010

The state of play...

It has been over 2 weeks since my last update on here. I should have been revelling these last few days in the glory of completing my first ever half marathon. Instead, I am still being a miserable b*st*rd holding a grudge against the world for my stupid knee.

I am back to physio on Friday for what I hope will be one of the last times. The knee is slowly getting there , although it does have ups and downs on a daily basis, which is probably the single most frustrating aspect of it all - lack of consistency to tell me if I am doing something right or wrong.

Like this morning, when I woke up my knee felt about 98% there - by the time I got down the stairs back down to about 80%, back up the stairs and doing my stretching, about 95%, in the car on the way to work about 75%, then at work and home now, about 90%. I don't like these fluctuations.

I cannot wait for the day when I will be able to run again - it is not just about my health and fitness. Running had started to become my freedom - I could isolate myself from anything and everything going on in my life for as long as I wanted while I was running and could face reality again with a renewed sense of strength and enthusiasm. I am missing that so badly right now - I can't do what I would do to relax, so I can't relax. Because I can't relax I can't sleep and I'm not hungry any more. At the minute when I get up in the morning the first thoughts on my mind are simply asking myself how I am going to see myself through to the moment I can get myself back in bed to.... lie awake aimlessly.

Vicious cycle.

I shall be patient and continue to do the stretching and strength work my super-cool physio recommended and hope it improves. I got myself a couple of kettlebells to try to keep my fitness levels ticking over and I have really loved knackering myself out thoroughly on that.

Still hoping the day I can run again will come sooner rather than later and get myself through each day with that hope at the forefront of my mind. I won't give up at any point though, no matter how long it takes. As Lance Armstrong once said...

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever


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